The importance of listening, really listening

I recently saw an article about meetings, in which the writer observed that very often the most influential decision makers and influencers seem to be those who do not necessarily have a lot to say. They went on to state that in their experience such people at first appear to be switched off, but on closer observation, it was evident that they were listening intently, taking the time to take everything in and process the participants’ comments and thoughts. When such people eventually did input, very often their comments were decisive, insightful, and inspired.

Now I am not suggesting that every quiet person in a meeting is necessarily inspired or a great leader, nor that every garrulous person is not, but it did get me to thinking about how important the ‘art’ of listening is, not just in a professional context, but in our everyday lives and relationships as well.

I am fairly certain that most of us (myself included) could recall a time (probably many times) when we were having a conversation with a friend, colleague or client and suddenly realised that we weren’t really listening to what they were saying, glossing over their words, our minds actually somewhere else, dreaming of teatime. Or instead of really engaging with the other person, we were trying to think of what we were going to say next, anxious to keep the flow of conversation going.

None of these behaviours is harmful or rude, unless it becomes obvious to the other party that we have switched off and don’t appear to care - there are dozens of conversations that take place every day where one might not be fully focused on each and every word that the other person is uttering, and maybe it isn’t realistic to expect this to be the case.

However, the point that I wish to make is that I think we would all benefit by being more conscious and aware of when we are switching off in a conversation, personally or professionally, and try to bring ourselves back into the moment, really focusing on the other person. Why, may you ask?

Well, first, I think it is a mark of respect to take what someone else is saying seriously and being in tune with them and demonstrating that you are really listening is a sign of that.

Second, so often misunderstandings arise when one misinterprets what the other is saying, and I suspect that quite often this is partly the case when we switch off in conversation.

Third, and this is probably most important from a professional perspective, mistakes and poor advice often arise when we haven’t really taken on board what our client really wants from us or wants us to do for them. I’m sure we have all experienced once or twice a situation where a client has fed back that we didn’t really deliver what they really expected or wanted. At best it can be chastening when this happens. At worst, it could lead to a breaking of trust or even loss of business.

As someone who has been involved with advisory services over the years, I also understand that many opportunities can be lost when we don’t know what our client wants or needs at that point in time or in the future. Perhaps we were so busy thinking about our next question or line of enquiry, that we didn’t quite take in a nugget of information our client was revealing to us, where had we been alert, we could have potentially added so much more value to them.

Professionally, good listening is not only about spotting opportunities and building new business of course. It is also about really getting to understand our clients, so we can support them as best we can. In a previous article I wrote about how many accountants and professioanl advisors have been praised over the last year for the support they have provided to their clients, very often simply being a sounding board for them, a shoulder to lean on in hard times.

I personally think that good listeners are often empathetic people, genuinely interested and curious in what others think and have to say. By consciously focusing on developing one’s listening skills, I believe that we can all become better and more effective communicators, in the process developing stronger and excellent long-term relationships with our clients, colleagues and friends. It’s a win-win for everyone, I think.