Accepting and learning from failure

In my last article I shared some thoughts on becoming an expert at what you do, and some of the steps towards success, however one might define that. I also acknowledged that along the way, inevitably one will be met by challenges and failure.

This time I’d like to explore the idea of failure in more detail, and how one can try to learn from past mistakes.

So many people, I included, have at some stage in their lives (one could argue at many stages) experienced setbacks and failure. There can be quite a negative association with the word failure. I think part of the problem is that failure sounds like such an absolute term, i.e., you have either succeeded or failed. While I am generalising to a degree, success is seen as positive, and failure is seen as negative. It doesn’t have to be that way.

When I look back on my life, the first 20-plus years were spent being educated and ultimately working towards obtaining a professional qualification. This entailed writing many exams for many years, culminating in one final series of exams that would qualify me as a chartered accountant. Along the way I had sailed through most tests and exams, even winning prizes and commendations from time to time. By the time I reached the final stage, I was a seasoned veteran of exam-taking, someone who had always excelled academically.

I wrote the equivalent of the advanced stage papers. When I received the results a couple of months later, I was devastated to learn that I had failed all of them. I couldn’t understand what had happened. Just a few months before this I had written the intermediate papers and had passed without a hitch. For weeks I agonised over what could have gone wrong. I tried to blame it on work pressures, daily life. having a few off days, whatever. In the end, I never managed to work it all out of course. I suspect it was a combination of all those factors, and even a bit of complacency. I hated to admit it at the time, but I think a part of me just thought I needed to turn up on the day and it would all work out fine.

I wallowed in a certain amount of negativity. The fact that many of my contemporaries had passed made me feel even worse. Reflecting on this now 25 years later, it doesn’t feel like such a big deal, but to my 23-year-old self it felt rather melodramatically like my life had ended. You see, to me the failure I had experienced felt absolute. It was like I had fallen at the final hurdle.

I eventually worked my way into a better space and a more positive frame of mind. I knew I had the opportunity to retake the exams a year later, so there was a second chance. This time round I resolved to work harder, smarter and more positively. My ego and confidence had taken a blow, but I was going to stand up and come back ‘fighting’. For the next year I worked hard and studied hard. I was taking nothing for granted. When exam time came around again, I sat them and passed without a hitch. I was back on track.

This is a slightly long-winded story, but it hopefully shows that ‘failing’ something once does not mean the end of the road. I had the opportunity to try again. Along the way I reflected on what had gone wrong the first time and learnt from my mistakes. I also believe that I developed a more positive mindset and actually came back better and stronger second time round. I do think that this ‘failure/mistake’ taught me a lesson in humility and to not take things for granted. Very important lessons I feel.

I suppose what I am really trying to get at in this article is to provide a sense of perspective to the idea of failure. I personally do not believe that there is such a thing as failure in the usual sense of the term, but that every setback happens for a reason, and that one must try to learn from this. It may sound a bit extreme, but one could say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! My mother used a lovely expression which I abide by to this day: only the test of fire makes fine steel. By this she meant that you need to experience the challenges of life in order to learn what you are capable of, what you can do better and what you can still learn. The end product - your sense of self, confidence and resilience - is better for it.

I personally believe that all successful people have experienced failure and setback at some point in their career. There are many stories of people who flunked exams at school, dropped out of university, or got sacked from a job, only to discover their real purpose in life and come back stronger for that, or be galvanised and more determined to succeed. We often see the end product, be it the cup winner, red carpet premiere attendee, the person who is promoted for example, but seldom see the struggles that they experienced and overcame on the way to achieving that success or recognition.

My take away from all of this is to learn to see failure in a more positive light. As long as we are learning from that experience, then to my mind there is no such thing as failure.